Sunday, 3 June 2012 | By: AbhiLaSH RuHeLa

PARENTS or a SPOUSE of another caste ???

594th BLOG POST -->>


            Many experiences and many witnesses remain in your heart for a long period of time until one provokes that silent part of your emotional heart. You may have forgot the incident and being under the influence of some Motivating friends, you would have learned to leave sad things behind and go ahead with cool moments. But still, after years, when someone knocks that part of your life, you accuse the person for having the propensity of detriment-ing your peaceful life. Today, when I woke up, and I saw Mr. Perfectionist speaking on the topic of Inter-caste marriage, I went in those moments when one of my friend in Aurangabad was struggling to make his and her parents understand that Caste is just a human-formed groups and that should not come between the happiness of him and his girl. The day he told me about the whole love story of his, and how he has been with her for last 7 years without a single argument, and now just because he is from a caste (which comes under the reservation quota :-)) which the girl's parent considers to be too downtrodden than anything else, don't want to marry their daughter to him. He cried a lot and I had nothing to make him cheer up again. 

             After few days, when I went back to that room in which he lived with 5 other roommates of his, I didn't find him. I asked them about him and I got a reply,"He is married and doesn't stay here anymore". I was shocked to hear this. I was too shock to digest that he has married within a fortnight with a girl whom he almost considered to be something that has gone very far away from him. I asked them about the girl he has married to. And they told me the whole incident. This guy, after getting it assured that the girl's parents will never accept him, decided to run away with the girl. They did it very soon and now they were somewhere of whom none of us knew about. I came back home in tears thinking about him. And then something struck to me. When he told the whole love story of his, he said that the girl never tried telling her parents that she is being committed to someone while the boy told his mother and sister about his relationship with her. Suddenly my mind changed its decision of who the main culprit was. It wasn't the girl's parents but it was the girl herself. There was no wrong in what her parents did to the quality relationship of these love birds.

              When, in the 4th week of Graduation, I got committed to a Muslim girl in my class, I came and told my parents about the new born love affair in my life. My mother started shouting and screaming on me because my past wasn't very favorable with Muslims. As I didn't have any issues with the religion (but with the people who did with me), I was open to have a relationship with a Muslim girl and make Muslim boys my best friend. My mother had no problem with my friendship with Muslims or anything, but she didn't want to have a Muslim girl as her daughter-in-law. I was awestruck at her decision. It was just the first day of my affair when I revealed this at home and I got this beautiful response from my dearly mother. After this, I never gave much attention to my affair as a boy should. And the sweet result came out after just 15 days of it: She asked for a break-up and I smilingly(with some tears too) opened the cage and made her fly in the air with liberty(to someone else). I told my parents about the Break-up on the day itself and I saw a very wicked smile on my mother's face which was too obvious to happen. :-) 

           So, the conclusion is that- As I shared my inter-caste-relationship with my parents on the very first day of it, I got the response from them immediately. Now I had enough time to give an action to any of the two decisions- 1. To make my parents understand that everyone is Human and there's nothing called as Religion & Caste & 2. To give a final judgment to my relationship. I chose to go with the latter one as I didn't want to do anything in which my parents could never live in happiness. I must say that, for me, loving someone is Okay. But on the very 1st day when you get into an affair, you should share it with your parents.That makes them flexible to take any decision. Like even I told. But my affair broke up within 15 days :) And if your parents refuse to it, get away from the person or else try to make your parents understand either by yourself or through family friends. Any parent will agree after that. And even if they don't agree, stop your affair in its initial days itself. That is better. Leaving parents forever for your Love is so selfish! I just can't imagine myself playing wid hair of my lover-turned-wife by kicking away my mother's hand food & Dad's concern & care. 

             What if your father decides to marry for the 2nd time without asking you and brings a new lady in the house? Will you ever accept this gesture of your Childhood Hero? This is the same what you do when you decide to inform your parents in the final days of marriage that you love someone else and want to bring him/her in house. They'll feel the same to see a new girl roaming in their house for whom they weren't prepared for. So, when you can reveal your love to your parents in the complicated stage, why can't you opine it in a very safe period itself? That will be beneficial to you only. THINK !!! LOVERS, THINK !!!

  Thanks. 

  ABHILASH RUHELA - VEERU

10 CoMMenTs !!! - U CaN aLSo CoMMenT !!!:

Anonymous said...

Bit Ok Write Up Only. The message was nice though about trying to convince parents about love.. Would have been good if you had been more expressive

Aarthi Baskaran said...

i liked the topic of the write up.. but then it's not all that easy to convince all parents??!! they don't agree even if u die right at their foot..!! the message is good though..

Oongalbaaz said...

Dear Veeru,

I don’t know the reason behind this….but I am feeling from your 560th blog onwards that you are taking up interesting issues to write….but while writing you are treating these issue as “Touch-And-Go” and wrap….may be, coz my expectations with you are always high coz you are always a Genius Outspoken Blogger!


As far as today’s blog is concern…..I think you’ve just made some generalized statements based on some of your own light experience and moved on!


Well, parent disapproving inter-caste love marriages coz of many reasons….it could be social, financial, compatibility, upbringings and many more….Which can be answered completely with little bit of patience and clarity in your commitment for your parent as well as your loved one.


But as far as parent disapproving / opposing inter-religion marriages are concern….then fear of conversion of religion is their primary concern, which is absolutely justified….There SHOULD NOT be any conversion of faith / religion in inter-religion love marriages….coz Love Has Got Nothing To Do With Religion / Religious Conversion.


If you really love someone and wanna marry him/her….everything will be fine, you just need to polite with everyone concerned, focus on your commitments and moreover work hard for your own professional growth and stability first….(My Personal Experience).

Oongalbaaz said...

Dear Veeru,

I don’t know the reason behind this….but I am feeling from your 560th blog onwards that you are taking up interesting issues to write….but while writing you are treating these issue as “Touch-And-Go” and wrap….may be, coz my expectations with you are always high coz you are always a Genius Outspoken Blogger!


As far as today’s blog is concern…..I think you’ve just made some generalized statements based on some of your own light experience and moved on!


Well, parent disapproving inter-caste love marriages coz of many reasons….it could be social, financial, compatibility, upbringings and many more….Which can be answered completely with little bit of patience and clarity in your commitment for your parent as well as your loved one.


But as far as parent disapproving / opposing inter-religion marriages are concern….then fear of conversion of religion is their primary concern, which is absolutely justified….There SHOULD NOT be any conversion of faith / religion in inter-religion love marriages….coz Love Has Got Nothing To Do With Religion / Religious Conversion.


If you really love someone and wanna marry him/her….everything will be fine, you just need to polite with everyone concerned, focus on your commitments and moreover work hard for your own professional growth and stability first….(My Personal Experience).

Aniket Gautam said...

Its all about how u conveince your parents and how your win their heart..after all love is love

AbhiLaSH RuHeLa said...

Anonymous, I dont know how much more expressive I should have been.. Because no one like reading lengthy posts.

AbhiLaSH RuHeLa said...

Aarthi, now it depends on the kind of parents one has.. But I think Parents do forgive us after some time even if we marry someone they didnt want us to.

AbhiLaSH RuHeLa said...

Oongalbaaz bhai, ab aap ko main kya bolun.. Aapne toh khud inter-caste marriage ki hai. Just a salute to you... A bow..

AbhiLaSH RuHeLa said...

Aniket Gautam sir, Yes buddy... u r right.

happi said...

Hi Abhilash

Great writing style :) I am glued to your blog since morning. Well I do have a small blog and shared this interesting article with my readers @http://harshahappi.blogspot.in/

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