Monday, 30 September 2013 | By: AbhiLaSH RuHeLa

When a Mother is referred by "TU" :-(

948th BLOG POST -->>

   
      The best thing I have seen in years that turns on people is Humility and humbleness. The fact why Amitabh Bachchan, Ranbir Kapoor, Hrithik Roshan, Sanjeev Kapoor etc. are loved till date is the respect that they give even to the commoners after being a Top-class celebrity. It looks cool when someone abuses or uses rough language for the first time but after a while, it starts irritating. On the first day of college, a child might sit with someone whose abusive thinking that at least he'll talk something but he finds his group as soon as he starts interacting with others. There was a time on Twitter when I used to abuse a lot. Every tweet of mine used to have foul language. But after some times, when I thought about what I am creating for myself, what example am I setting for my own self, I felt like hitting myself. Though, I rescued myself from my trap but I made a promise that I'll only give respect to whomsoever I would be talking.

           Since childhood, whenever my friends come to my home to play or to stay or to interact and see me using words like "dijiye", "kijiye","dekhiye" etc while talking to my mother and father, they say,"Abbe tu itni ijjat se baat karta hai?" When I was small, I never observed how my friends talked with their parents but after 9th std or something when I started realizing what's going around me, I got astonished to hear words like "karo","do","dekho" etc from my friends' mouth for the elders and even their parents. It will take me 100 births before I can say karo, maro, dekho, do, lo etc to any of my elders. Even when I talk to an elder shopkeeper, I make it sure that I talk with same respect that I give my parents while talking. Certain respectability has to be maintained in our posture, gesture, ascent, talks, conversations, writings etc. Not for anyone else but for our own good.

           I was chatting with my grand father when I was in 7th std. I asked him,"Dadaji, jab Swati didi mujhse sirf 4.5 months badi hain toh bhi main unko Didi kyon bulata hoon?" And he said politely,"Beta, my 2 cousins are just a day elder than me still I call then bhaiya and didi. Remember the only fact in life. Anyone who's age is more than you even by a second, he/she will have to be referred as Bhaiya, didi and you'll use "aap" for them." I asked him that for whom is "tum" made then? He said,"It's for friend who are your classmates since childhood or from last 2-3 years. When friendship gets close, you start using "Tum" but still your first sentence with them should begin with "Aap" while introduction". I got confused and asked,"Then for whom is "Tu" used for?" Dadaji smiled and said,"Beta, I don't know. There's no one in my life for whom I use "Tu". Even for all of you, my grandchildren, I use "tum" and not "tu". It's like you are referring some animal and abusing him". I said,"But all my friends and I call each other referring "Tu" only". He said,"Start improving yourself, beta. Let people call you "tu" but you keep referring them as "Aap" or atmost "Tum".

          Since then, I have been improving myself and I have no elder whom I refer as TUM or TU. I also refer many of my friends as TUM. There are some close people whom I do call TU but I make sure that I occasionally call them using the respected words so that I can shift to it gradually. But I am seriously unhappy with many youngsters uing language that is so rough and disrespectful. Leave anything else but I have people in my knowledge who even refer to their Mom and Dad as "TU". I don't know what kind of sanskar has been given to them but this is something that is not digestible to me. I make sure that I don't talk to such people much because you don't realize when you adopt their style of speech. I went with a friend to help him buy a DVD player and I heard him speak to his mother like "Tujhe pasand hai na?" "Tu haan bolegi toh main le lunga" etc. For the whole time and even after the purchase, I was in such an angry mood that I asked him for a break. I went to his home the next day for installing the player. 

           Even when the gap between siblings is of almost 7-10 years, the younger one does not shy in calling his elder brother/sister directly by their name. Well, I won't blame sanskar wholly as not everything that our parents guide us is what we do. We should ourselves know what is right and what wrong. Some things are actually meant to be learnt ourselves. Mom and Dad are there only up to teenage. After 18, its we, who are responsible for what we do and behave like. I know you have a solid reason that it has become your habit since childhood hence its hard to change the tone now. Well, you never had boyfriend/girlfriend since childhood but after a time, you started shifting from one to another, right? Then why not shift your speech and attitude? Does it look good when Deepika, Anushka, Priyanka etc calls Shahrukh Khan using his name without adding any prefix or suffix? They are half of his age but still continue speaking as if he's their childhood buddy. Come on. It's time we should at least respect our parents and refer them only with AAP and *-iye ending words. To our elder brothers and sisters and cousins, let's make sure that we add bhaiyya or didi in the end. 

P.S.: A strange thing is that the same people who call their parents using TU use AAP for other elders. The same people who take name of their elder siblings call their cousins or elder boys/girls of the society as bhaiyya and didi. Huh! These people need reality check. Where's the respect in the language, people? Bring it on or else don't feel bad if a good person rejects talking to you one day just because of your speech. That's all.

 Thanks.

 ABHILASH RUHELA - VEERU!!!

4 CoMMenTs !!! - U CaN aLSo CoMMenT !!!:

The Twenty Something said...

Well the language used depends and differ from culture to culture. In Luckhnow, the culture is to say "Aap"only, "Tum" is rarely used.. .While in Harayana, they often use "Tu" to address almost anyone. Yes, it is hard to get used to someone else cultural language and tone but it does not necessarily show that they don't love and respect others.

Think about English use only one word "You" to address anyone irrespective of their age. But at the same time the English are very popular for their good etiquette and manners.

madhuri daga said...

if I am using 'TU' while speaking to my mom it doesn't mean that I am disrespecting her or else she has not given me proper sanskar..It just means that I believe that person to be my own and I want to say one thng 'tu' me jitna apna pan hai woh 'tum' ya 'aap' me nahi... :) Sometimes these small words matter a lot for a relationship.. and yes I would indeed like to mention that in the whole world I only use 'TU' for two ppl one is my mom and other is my sis ...

Anonymous said...

I have never thought of an article like this can be written. Jhaan tak Tu aur Tum ka saawal haii, It make sense in what way are using? when you speak to your elders it depends how close to you them. I use to say my mom tum but the tone I use create the difference, it's not a diminutive tone, it's of love and affection.

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